I realize that it’s been a long time since I’ve posted an actual post (not a poem). It’s been around 7 months. And knowing how HUGE my audience is (like a whole four people), I didn’t want to leave you completely out of the loop in my ever-exciting life.
I won’t go on with every little mundane detail of how my life has been. Because that’s even boring for me. I just thought I’d share some recent thoughts of mine. You can continue reading if you so desire, but it wouldn’t hurt my feelings if you’d rather continue browsing Facebook or Instagram or whatever else is more exciting than my blog, because as I mentioned in my very first blog post ever (that was nearly a whole three years ago… please don’t read it–it’s embarrassing), this blog is largely for me to just get my thoughts and ideas out there. And my audience of four gets to enjoy those thoughts and ideas with me.
Sorry, I’m rambling.
In the past long while, I’ve been finding a tangible faith of my own. Not my parents’ faith. Not my brothers’ faith. Not my friends’ faith. And the first step in that was making sure I actually believed what I’ve grown up with and pretty much base my life on. That feels important, right? Right. My (former, I guess) youth pastor and his wife moved to Scotland not too long ago. His parting message stuck with me. One of the things he encouraged the youth group to do was to make sure that we know for a fact that Christianity is true; that Jesus truly died and rose again to save us. He wanted us to to broaden our knowledge of other religions and figure out what we want to have the foundation of our life be.
So I did. And I didn’t want to do it blindly, either. It took a while, but I can say that my heart is firmly set on Jesus. There is so so so so so much evidence of Him working actively in my life and in the lives of everyone around me. There is no way I can ignore that.
The next step in making my faith my own is spiritual growth. My own growth. Funny enough, yesterday in church, the message topic was actually spiritual apathy. I’ve felt stuck for a while. I’ve been wanting to grow. I keep seeing it in everyone around me. But why the heck am I not growing in my faith? But what Scott (my youth pastor) said was that the only way to get unstuck is to stop focusing on yourself and instead look to Jesus and what he did 2,000 years ago. That slapped me in the face (in a good way). It was a wake-up call. For so long I’ve been so focused on “What am I doing wrong?” and “How can I solve this issue?” Which is a completely backwards way of viewing things.
I feel like God has been trying to teach me to look beyond myself for a long time. But I’m so gosh-darn stubborn and I didn’t really want to admit that I was the problem. I mean, blaming is so easy. It feels like a quick and easy solution to everything! But blaming doesn’t solve anything. It avoids the problem.
It took until yesterday for me to realize that while there are things I can be doing to grow as a Christian, such as being consistent with reading my Bible, praying, and being involved in community, that’s not what saves me. If I can save myself, then there is literally no point of anything Jesus did. And every Christian has heard that a million times. I’m not telling you anything new. I’m just letting you know that it finally clicked in my brain.
There you have it. That’s the hippity-haps with my life in the past 7 months (geez that’s a long time). Have a lovely morning/afternoon/evening/night!