I Won’t be Here!

Recently, there’s been a lot of “I won’t be there!” moments. Stuff like, “Aw man! That Olive Garden is closing down! Wait… I won’t be here!” But also, there’s some of those sad moments. Like today, when my teacher handed out Parent Teacher Conference slips. I asked her not to hand me one because the date said January. Then she told me how I just made her sad. I hate doing that by the way. When I make people sad, I want to cheer them up. That’s why I hate the sad “I won’t be here” moments. I am now trying to face the reality that I will be very sad. I will cry. I will definitely hug. I also learned, that it’s ok to be sad. At first, I almost ran away from it. As if it was my worst nightmare. Like one of those dreams where you try to run, but your legs won’t move. Until now, I was fighting with all of my might to move and keep running. Now, I’m turned around, facing the thing (in this case- sadness) and spreading my arms out saying “Hit me full blast”. Last night, I was in a conversation with somebody who is moving across the street. She was telling my mom and I that she and her mom had went to their new house to test some paint colors, and after an hour or so, she kept thinking, Ok, this is fun, but when can I go home? I was also hiding that dreaded thought. Since I won’t actually see my home until I move in, I never got the chance to think that. Right after she said that, I was kind of freaked out. I mean, I don’t want that happening to me! I want my new home to feel like home the moment I step inside. I kind of already knew that wouldn’t happen, but kind of pushed it aside. I can’t tell you the outcome of that, because I even don’t know how I will feel in my new home. I guess I have two small steps in my journey right now: accepting sadness, and accepting my new home.